Perfectly preposterous pork problems!

So I just got finished with a project that should have taken 10 minutes tops. I am making BBQ pork brisket for dinner tonight and it has to go in the slow cooker all day. I chopped the onions, that was easy, and then I got out the 6 pound...yes I said 6 pound pork shoulder I got from the store. All I needed was 3 pounds for the recipe. I put it in my biggest mixing bowl so I could work with it without getting pork goop all over the counters. I had to cut the plastic off from around it. That took me forever because I used a knife instead of scissors. I didn't want to get the scissors all gross from the pork because I used them for many things. I soon realized I should have used them. Then I finally got the plastic off, and now there was string wrapped all around it in all different directions. Did I use the scissors? No. I figured I already got the knife all contaminated, I might as well keep using it. So cutting the string off took me a while too. As I was cutting, tiny drops of pig juice kept splattering on my shirt and arms, and the floor. After I got it out of the stinking string, it was time to cut it in half. I was delighted to find out that it was already cut in half by the butcher. They probably figured that 6 pounds of pork was a little too much for one meal! So great! Now I just had to get it in the crock pot! Easy? No. That sucker was so slippery! It was more slippery than my little naked Logan in the bath tub! (Yeah, I just compared my baby to pork meat.) At this point it was getting ridiculous. It all should have been in the crock pot 15 minutes earlier. One thing that I can say is a good quality I posses is that I can laugh at myself. So, I did. And my kids came in the kitchen and asked what was so funny, and I couldn't even get the words out. I was laughing even harder now, just thinking what they must have thought about their mom. Needless to say I did get it in the pot and put the onions and BBQ sauce on top and it is all good to go. At least I didn't drop it on the floor like my mom did with the Thanksgiving turkey one year ( and we still ate it)! That must be where I got it from...my mom. I could have let this whole thing just make me angry, but it turned out to make the start of my day pretty great.